I’ve recently learned that it doesn’t matter whether or not you move on from a heartbreak, loss, or traumatic event; regardless of what you choose, life carries on without you.
You’ve got to keep on keepin’ on, because I promise, once you realize that not only life in general, but people in particular, move on with out you, being sad will get old really fast.
You see, I’ve had the opportunity to be sad these past couple days. The person I love was gone for a month, came home for a day-and-a-half and then left again for another month.
Before this past month, he would leave every Thursday and return Mondays. I would spend those in-between days with him and start the depress-fest again Thursday at the airport as he left.
And you know what it did? Being sad? Absolutely nothing…
Sometimes sadness has the potential to become numbness.
The best way I can describe numbing sadness is food losing its flavor, music losing its melody and dead silence raging louder than imaginable.
You can run 100 miles per hour and still everything and everyone is passing you.
Life becomes not only a routine but muscle memory; you can move through the motions with out a thought or feeling in the world.
For a long time, that’s how I felt. Numb. But eventually, I noticed his life path was evolving into this exciting journey and my friends’ lives were unfolding magnificently before my very eyes, or at times, on my Facebook screen.
I realized that while I felt like life was at a stand-still, that was only the case for myself. I finally learned that I had to move on! I understand now that life doesn’t end when he crosses the state border out of Arizona.
Life just continues, and it’s going to continue with or without me.
With that being said, I’ve decided not to be sad.
So the past couple days I didn’t dwell on the fact that he was leaving… Again. I didn’t even harp on it during the drive to the airport.
I just decided to act as if nothing was happening. We carried out our day-and-a-half as if it were any other day, and when it came time to say good-bye, we said good-bye.
If you recall in my first post I said I had no advice to offer you.
I still don’t. (Sorry)
I only have hope and wonder at this point. I wonder if I’m doing the right thing by forcing out sadness, and I’m hoping I am.
Hemingway, a personal favorite of mine, always said write the truest thing you know.
I don’t know if what I am doing is right, but the truth is I know what I was doing was wrong. I can’t be numb anymore. So I’m changing it.
I refuse to live without intention for a second longer, and I invite you to join me.