Yesterday was one of those days… you know what I’m talking about. Waking up with morning breath so bad it makes you nauseous (sorry, it happens), pimples appearing on the tip of your nose like Rudolph, running stop signs because you’re so mentally absent… you know, just one of those days.
When I say yesterday, what I really mean is 4 a.m. yesterday, amidst my not-so-beautiful beauty sleep. Four a.m., when I rolled over my five-pound Chihuahua whose high-pitched yelp and frozen body convinced me in my half-asleep thoughts that I had killed her. (She’s alive, it’s fine).
After going back to bed I woke up again a few hours later, watched two kids I’m currently nannying, and then went to yoga feeling confident that I could turn my day around.
I’ve been doing yoga a lot lately because it’s one place I can go every day at almost any time without any judgement and alleviate my stress while getting some exercise, which I love.
My biggest struggle in yoga though, is the mindset that comes along with it. Teaching myself to quiet my thoughts and let go of judging myself is probably the most difficult thing. Example?
(Reminder – it was just honestly one of those days, and on this day particularly, I wasn’t an emotional crying wreck. I was just a little brat, being cynical and snotty like a tween back-talking her mom)
So I’m staring at myself in yoga and I start thinking, “Really Taylor? Really? You let your stomach pooch hang over your pants? Or, “Wow Taylor.. cellulite under your butt cheeks? You have four cheeks of cottage cheese now, congrats.”
I was literally the obnoxious girl from White Chicks verbally abusing herself in the dressing room calling her thighs Cellulite Sally and stomach Tina, the Talking Tummy.
Luckily, I was sane enough to snap out of it after a few seconds, saying to myself, “Okay Taylor stop being dramatic. You’re annoying. Your body is clearly fine.”
But that was pretty much the extent of my class that day. One song critiquing every problem-area on my body, one song breathing deeply trying to relax, one song reliving every awful decision I’ve ever made, one song breathing really freaking deep.
What’s awful about “those days,” is that there’s not one sole cause of your dumpy mood. It’s just a bunch of little things that bug you and then you can’t really explain to others, let alone yourself, what’s wrong.
I was so frustrated because I wanted to fix my problem – think through it and come up with a solution or conclusion. But there’s no solution to bad morning breath. (Yes, I brush and floss.)
I’m not sure why these days happen but they do, and it just honestly sucks!
When I got home I thought maybe I should write about these days and try to discover why they happen or at least how to fix them. But the more I thought about why they happen or how I could avoid them, the more confused I grew.
I’m not God or mother nature. I may be a “yogi,” but I’m not that at-one with the earth to understand why certain things are supposed t0 happen while others aren’t.
So I settled with this:
It’s probably fine I’m having this off day, so long as it doesn’t become off weeks or off months. I think we all have those days where we just rip ourselves to shreds…and I wish we didn’t, but we just do. (At least I do)
So the only solution I can come up with is to step outside your thoughts and say, “OK. I’ll bully myself today, but I DO need to know the stuff I’m saying and thinking isn’t real. It’s pent-up anger, frustration, stress, or a culmination of the three.”
I think (emphasis on the think) as long as you can wake up the next day thinking to yourself, “Holy crap I went nuts yesterday!” We’ll be okay.
After all – they say you’re not actually insane if you can say you’re insane.
Let’s just acknowledge our insanity daily, and we’ll be normal… at least according to the doctor’s standards.
I included this video because something about its consistency reminds me of my off day. It has a somewhat “downer” vibe to me, but it remains upbeat. It’s a bit confusing.