Sick And Silly And Feeling Rejected

sick, silly blog picThese past few days have been, well, hell. For those that don’t know, (first time readers? yay!), I’m a dance teacher at a studio in Scottsdale. That means constant exposure to sickness. (It means a heck of a lot of fun, too!)

Anyway, somewhere in the midst of passing hundreds of kids each week, I caught a mixture of like five million sicknesses and got sick for a solid week. Today has been the first official day of feeling about 90 percent great.

But over Super Bowl weekend I literally didn’t get out of my bed except to shower and do some homework. (Okay, yes, I did manage to sneak to get some ice cream, but that’s it!)

And even with the ice cream, I only ate about two bites because everything was flavorless. Seriously, what a dud. Have you eaten flavorless ice cream? It sucks. Everything sucks. Flavor rocks.

I had a sore throat, stuffy nose and runny nose because that somehow makes sense, achey body, gorilla cough (which I do still have, actually), and a mad headache (which I also still have). I was just plain miserable.

Considering I have a killer immune system that usually affords me one sickness per year, maybe two, I figured I’d get over it in a couple days.

But it just wouldn’t leave me. Monday came, school, internship and all, and I had to persevere.

It’s weird being grown up, you know? It used to be that getting sick was sort of a win-lose situation. Sucked to feel sucky, but at least you could stay home, sleep, watch Harry Potter and eat cookies, and oh yeah, have your mom take care of you. Now it’s just a plain lose-lose.

Anyway, after about the third or fourth day of feeling sick I started getting really emotional. Well… I guess sensitive is a better word.

When our physical body is just outright decaying and not functioning, I think our brains try and work overtime to figure it all out. So we’re just really freaking tired and really freaking over it.

I was hyperaware of how people looked at me, what they said to me… everything. And clearly, the only answer that could possibly be true, was that no one liked me.

A teacher noticed I didn’t look good and kept asking me in class if I was okay. Eventually I just asked to leave because I felt so uncomfortable.

Like… yes, professor, I know I look like crap. I don’t exactly feel like smearing Chanel on my face when I’m going to sweat it off anyway with this fever, K?

So I left and just cried my whole walk home. I knew I was being ridiculous. The teacher was being so nice, but my sensitive, sick brain just wasn’t having it.

I also grew paranoid that parents and students whom I had cancelled lessons with (because my sickness) hated me simply because they didn’t send back emojis and stuff like that.

I watched my friends hanging with their other friends on Snapchat. *Ugh, woe is me. My friends have moved on to bigger, better things.*

My boyfriend wasn’t responding to my obnoxious texts every 30 seconds… SO WHAT YOU’RE WORKING A COUPLE STATES AWAY. What? Am I not important or something?

I mean, if you looked up drama queen in the dictionary this weekend, point blank you would have found a picture of me.

I definitely can’t explain my inner thoughts. I think externally, I definitely kept my cool. (Except on my crying walk home, but I kept my head down, so that barely counts as a public break down, right?)

Point is, I didn’t actually snap at anyone or miss deadlines or anything. I just got super stressed and super upset because I wasn’t getting better, despite hours of sleep over the weekend.

Well, today’s Friday, about a week from the day I woke up feeling sick, and I feel pretty good! I didn’t wake up drenched in sweat or with a killer headache or sore throat.

I’ll let you in on a little secret… I jammed out to Maroon 5’s “Sugar,” song this morning because I was so happy to feel healthy. Or at least, not deathly ill.

And I completed all my homework for the weekend and am ready to see my girls compete tomorrow at their first dance competition of the season!

I’m very happy to be back to my normal spirits, and I hope all my sick kiddos out there are staying strong!

It’ll be okay! Eat some flavorless ice cream, cry in public… who cares! Just KNOW people don’t dislike you. You’re sick and silly and feeling rejected.

But you’re not.

You’re sick and makeup-less and STILL fierce as hell.








One thought on “Sick And Silly And Feeling Rejected

  1. Could totally relate to this post. Honest and raw. I think everyone who takes to read it can relate. Funny, introspective and very real. Glad I stopped to read it. Still smiling

    Liked by 1 person

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